Slow and Sure

By Dr James Dobson.

Teaching Independence - Slow and Sure

How does a child learn to handle freedom and independecne? It takes a precise, calculated effort by his parents. Teaching your child to deal responsibly with independence and freedom is like letting him down from a high window with a rope. You do it little by little, slowly, deliberately, hand over hand. If you let the rope out all at once, he may plunge to the ground in a disastrous tumble.

I remember a test of my own independence when I was 17. My parents were going on a two-week trip and they left me behind with the family car and permission to have some school buddies over to stay at our house.

I behaved responsibly while my folk were gone, but I always wondered why my mother took that risk. When I asked her about it years later, she just smiled and said: "Because I knew in one year you would be leaving for university, where you would have complete freedom and no one watching over you. I wanted to expose you to that independence while you were still under my influence." My mother exemplified an important child-rearing principle. She prepared me for independence.

If you have children, let them test the waters of freedom as they're growing up, rather than thrusting them into total independence all at once. Then, when they're on their own and completely free, they'll know how to handle it responsibly and wisely.